The "LaToilet" stage

	The "LaToilet" stage In an insult to transvestite men everywhere - who can look pretty damn good in a dress and makeup and can project alluring female charm - when Mike does this, he doesn't even have the decency to stop grabbing his crotch every 1.0045 seconds and allowing that image for us. His skin is getting lighter still even though it's supposedly already been lightened (or not...who do you believe? Him or his PR people?). His public antics are presented weekly, as are his new lip colors. He should pick a damn color and stick with it already. Eyebrows were whittled down to Joan Crawford peaks. He now has an interesting, manly cleft in his chin and a dropped, square jawline. The joke was that he was really his sister LaToya - you notice you never saw them in the same room together? He gets his nose done again and now sports little teeny triangles for nostrils and a sharp razor ridge you could grate cheese on. Popular opinion is he "fucked it up". He defends himself in the press by asking why people make such a Thang out of it... a lot of people get a little nose work done! and it's not national news! Sheesh already! Can't you leave him alone?! He's got a skin disease! (although having Vitilgo has nothing to do with having nonstop plastic surgery). He had a bad childhood! He's a nice person! He recycles his plastics! Even people in his 'camp' are publicly saying the man's elevator isn't going to the top floor anymore.	LaToya. I think
1993 age 34	The "Judy Jetson"/Flying Monkey look..and the year It all began.. He messed with it all again. Current Color: toilet paper pink. Cheeks: Squirrel socking nuts away for the winter. Reportedly the tip of his nose is so damaged from the operations that the tissue has died, and he's now wearing a fake prothesis tip. (Ya think? ). This unnecessary and seemingly nonstop alteration has passed into the realm of "self-mutilation" and when the shocking news of child molestation charges come to light, it's the last straw for his sponsors Pepsi, LA Gear and others who cancel his contracts. The public, who forgave his mounting eccentricities because of his incredible talents nod in silence about it all, unsurprised. Most remark that someone with this going on visibly outside has to have a lot of demons going on inside. In his defense, Mike launches his second career as Whining, Weeping, Hurt, Offended, Innocent Victim. Like being instantly on the verge of tears at any legit question he wants to avoid is also "normal".	Ms. Judy Jetson
1997 age 38 Bizarro Michael	The "Alcoholic Housewife" look... ... didn't catch on either. Even the staunch defenders of Michael's sanity have to admit the boy's cheese has slid off his cracker. Mike gets a fake chin implant and suddenly loses his cleft chin, the sides of his face are stretched taut, his nose isn't pointing North anymore and it's anyone's guess what the hell he did to his skin this time. The Art of Cosmetology seems to be an unknown science in his part of the world and he's getting his face done at the local morgue. He has new lipstick (my shade Mike..cool!) and jokes abound that he's turned into Diana Ross. He is a ghoul and seems to be a sick puppy with all this stuff he's done to himself and his bizarre antics in public. Each photo that shows up in the coming years never fails to make people's jaws drop. Mike gets worked up saying he doesn't see why everyone but him can have a little nip and tuck on the nose but let him go have a tiny bit and BOY O BOY it's National News. ::fake sob!:: He doesn't think he looks that different and wishes people would leave him alone. We wish he'd leave his face alone.	Bizarro Superman
1999 age 41	The Batman Period - Holy Joker! New chin again. Nose again. New cheeks. Smaller jaw. The Bizarro angles gone. The gaunt look is replaced by rounder fluff. This would all be amusing as Theater except this is how he's walking around, every day, pretending this is all perfectly normal. The weirdest thing is people act like it is. I mean, you never see photos of Mike dragging the usual 3 or 4 little boys around with him, at some awards show and see people in the background throwing up. Rumor has it he transplanted some pubic hair to his jaw to try to make a Goatee in an attempt to butch up , but the thought is too repulsive to dwell on. Of course that's just Tabloid fodder.	The Joker